The results are out.

For yet another time, Lake Como Pizza, a popular food establishment  near Yeshiva University, was reported to have failed a health inspection test this past Monday.  

According to manager Manuela Ramirez, “We, you know, are outraged by this unfair rating by the inspector.  Lake Como Pizza is always holding itself to the highest standards of cleanliness and quality in food preparation, and the results of this test are definitely false.  We encourage students to come and decide for themselves just what the food is like here.”

Her final comment, “Achoooo!”  decorated a  pizza which had just emerged from the oven. .

When asked about the developing situation, students seemed to offer mixed opinions. “Am I bothered by the declining health standards of my favorite pizza place?”, said Asher Rabinowitz, “Honestly, not really.  In between morning, night, and mussar sedarim, I only have time to shower a couple times a month, so their food is probably cleaner than I am.” 

Others, like Daniel Goldenstein, a current senior majoring in biology, agreed, and replied to our correspondent,  “When I’m getting out of lab at 11pm three nights a week, I don’t give two @^$*s about the health standards of my food. Now get out of my way!” 

Our investigative reporter tried to find out more about the situation in the kitchen by talking to the Lake Como employees.  Unfortunately, as one frightened-looking worker told her, “Ms. Manuela no want us to say to you nothing, or we get deportado.”

After much searching, Rabbi Goldwicht, a Rabbi of YU’s Yeshiva Program and the mashgiach of Lake Como, was found in his apartment three blocks away. In response to questioning about his knowledge of the health standards in Lake Como’s kitchen, he stated, “I just, ehh, work at that place  extra cash, you know ?  I tell them how to ehhh, you know, how to make it Kasher, yes? ”

When contacted and questioned if the health code situation would affect YU’s massive yearly purchases of Lake Como Pizza, the YU administrators failed to comment, and instead began to talk about the lawn tables and chairs that they just installed in front of the Mendel Gottesman LibraryBuilding.

Later that night, the neighboring restaurant Grandma’s Pizza issued a press statement, reminding the YU student body and the rest of Washington Heights that it still exists.