It seems that yet another kosher eatery has fallen victim to the harsh, unfair standard of maintaining a sanitary and clean restaurant.

This week, Washington Heights’ favorite Chinese place, Chop-Chop, was closed for health violations, joining Rosa’s Pizza on the disgusting wall of infamy. Also on the wall is the lesser-known “Shalom Bombay,” which stayed too true to its Indian theme this past February when its kitchen was apparently found to be as clean as a New Delhi outhouse. Although Chop-Chop was closed for a few days for hygienic reasons, they were shockingly able to reopen right away. When asked about their quick recovery, a Chop-Chop official said, “Well, it wasn’t easy getting those rats and roaches out of there. They’re suckers for General Tsao’s chicken. Thankfully, we were recommended a good exterminator by the owner of Rosa’s Pizza.” Another worker said, “We were worried that the extermination wouldn’t work and that the creatures would just get hungry again in about an hour anyway. Fortunately, the job was a success.”

This February, Rosa’s was closed after an absurd amount of health code violations, its most prominent a roach and rodent infestation. Rosa’s at first tried to pass off the rats as being employees of the restaurant, but they decided that rats would make terrible waiters since they don’t have opposable thumbs. They knew the rats had to go. Although it is unclear about how the pizzeria solved its vermin problem, rumors have it that the rats died from food poisoning. Despite this widely held belief, it looks like an outside man may have been needed to finish the job.

The exterminator, Bob Orkin, has made claims that Rosa’s has not yet paid him for his services even though it has been three months since he was employed. Rosa’s found his prices a bit too high but has offered to go halfsies on the extermination bill with Chop-Chop since the vermin decided to go for Chinese after the pizzeria got its act together. Plus, since the two restaurants most likely shared their infestations with each other, Rosa’s felt that it was only fair that they split the bill. While Chop-Chop has consented to divide the bill, the question of how much each restaurant should tip the exterminator still remains.

When customers heard about Chop-Chop’s recent run-in with health inspection, they found it unsettling, and not just stomach-wise. One YU student said, “When I go to Chop-Chop, I assume that I’ll end up in the bathroom, but that’s because Chinese is like Jewish kryptonite. Having animals in the kitchen just makes me think of my “trips to the office” being that much more disgusting.”

Even Dudek, the owner of Golan Heights, the legendary restaurant, has weighed in his opinion on the Chop-Chop fiasco. He is reported having said, “Ehhhhh….How can restaurant right down the block be so unsanitary and disgusting? When you’re in food-making business, hygiene is most important. The second rule is that the customer always comes first…. ALLO, ALLO, CHUMMUS, CHIPS! YOU PAY YET?”

Even with the bleakness that seems to be felt as another kosher restaurant disappoints us, there is still one immaculate beacon of hope that remains: the YU Cafeteria.